Sunday, May 8, 2011

My Two Moms

i couldnt help but cry everytime i hear news of abortions, fetus being dumped in trash cans, babies left by their mothers in an orphanage or worse, in an airplane's comfort room. how can these women throw away such a wonderful gift from god? 

i cant help but think about my own life. yes. i am one of those babies. im just so lucky that before i was born, there is already someone who's willing to give a mom's love to me though im really not her own. and she's my "kinagisnang ina".

when i found out about the truth, that was sometime in 2007 when i already have my first son, i was really devastated. 

all i felt was that i am cheated. i was so empty. i was very helpless. and i began to hate everything. i asked god why did my mom threw me away? doesnt she loved me? why did she have to do that?  up to this moment, i never knew why.

when i sometimes ponder on things, i couldnt help but think if she felt what i felt when i found out that im pregnant. was she happy? or sad? does she talk to me when i was in her tummy? does she smile when she felt me kick inside her? did she somehow loved me? still i dont know. for years, i was filled with love by my foster mom. i never felt that i am adopted. she treated me like her own. she gave me everything. she made sure that i get all what i need. 

i sometimes wonder if my real mom thinks of me. if she wanted to hug me, kiss me, say things a mom should tell her child. but still i dont know. after all, she already threw me before i was born. i have a lot of things to ask her. i have alot of things to tell her. but i know still wont find out how. 

i've realized that to be called a mother, its not important if a child comes from a woman's womb. what's important is that a woman is willing to love and cherish a child though that child didnt came from her. that she's willing to call a child her own and give that child the right to a mother's love. i adore my mom so much because she loved me like no other. she made me feel that i belong to her. she made me feel that im not different. she treated me as her own.

to all moms, grand moms, moms-to-be, moms like my mom, frustrated mom, all kinds of moms, and to your moms, Happy mother's day to all of us. :)

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