Thursday, May 26, 2011

the first teacher

i want to learn a lot of things. i've researched and practiced on the things that interests me. when i was in grade school, i've learned how to play a guitar on my own. i used to borrow my cousin's guitar every weekend and spent the whole saturdays and sundays practicing. i've also learned how to draw. i used to have a sketchpad and drew the things that fascinates me, especially some anime characters. i love to read books and im proud to say that i've read a lot of novels and textbooks. when i was in highschool, i've learned how to dance and was a part of a cheering team. i've also learned the taekwondo and went to some interschool competition but i've retired early though. when i was in college, i've learned how to write an essay with minimal errors. i've learned a lot of things. now that i am a mom, i have learned that learning doesnt have to be only from school. we can learn about life through our experiences. i've learned that a mom should be the one to protect her child at any cost. she should be the one to fight for her children's rights. she should be the one to cultivate and develop her children's talents. she should be her children's first teacher. i am so glad that i have never let any barriers stop me from learning. i'm happy that i've learned so many things and continue to learn things that i have no knowledge of. and now, im imparting that knowledge to my children. im teaching them how to play the guitar. im teaching them to draw. im teaching them to love one another for they are brothers, and they can only count on each other when problems arise. im teaching them some things a normal kid should learn. im not a perfect mom and may not be the best mom in the world but im trying to teach them what they should learn and give them the very best love that i could give. the joy of being a mother is being able to see the good things that your child has learned from you. being able to see that your children have grown to be a better person and use the things that you have taught them. for the mother is the only person that can guide a child to be the person that they can be in the future.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

My Two Moms

i couldnt help but cry everytime i hear news of abortions, fetus being dumped in trash cans, babies left by their mothers in an orphanage or worse, in an airplane's comfort room. how can these women throw away such a wonderful gift from god? 

i cant help but think about my own life. yes. i am one of those babies. im just so lucky that before i was born, there is already someone who's willing to give a mom's love to me though im really not her own. and she's my "kinagisnang ina".

when i found out about the truth, that was sometime in 2007 when i already have my first son, i was really devastated. 

all i felt was that i am cheated. i was so empty. i was very helpless. and i began to hate everything. i asked god why did my mom threw me away? doesnt she loved me? why did she have to do that?  up to this moment, i never knew why.

when i sometimes ponder on things, i couldnt help but think if she felt what i felt when i found out that im pregnant. was she happy? or sad? does she talk to me when i was in her tummy? does she smile when she felt me kick inside her? did she somehow loved me? still i dont know. for years, i was filled with love by my foster mom. i never felt that i am adopted. she treated me like her own. she gave me everything. she made sure that i get all what i need. 

i sometimes wonder if my real mom thinks of me. if she wanted to hug me, kiss me, say things a mom should tell her child. but still i dont know. after all, she already threw me before i was born. i have a lot of things to ask her. i have alot of things to tell her. but i know still wont find out how. 

i've realized that to be called a mother, its not important if a child comes from a woman's womb. what's important is that a woman is willing to love and cherish a child though that child didnt came from her. that she's willing to call a child her own and give that child the right to a mother's love. i adore my mom so much because she loved me like no other. she made me feel that i belong to her. she made me feel that im not different. she treated me as her own.

to all moms, grand moms, moms-to-be, moms like my mom, frustrated mom, all kinds of moms, and to your moms, Happy mother's day to all of us. :)