Mother's Day Special: Foster Parenting and Adoption

One of the most celebrated occasions around the world is the mother's day, where we give honors to all the mothers, may it be our sisters, grandmoms, teachers, friends, and every women who've given birth to someone to call them mother. Motherhood is not only achieved by giving birth to a child, it can also be achieved  by taking care of a child, clothing him, bathing him, feeding him, giving him a mother's love even if the child didn't came from that woman's womb. This is called Foster Parenting or adoption. Foster parenting or foster care is temporary family care given to toddlers, babies, or minors who were abandoned, abused, neglected, or surrendered by their family to a child care institution. Adoption is the process of acquiring or assuming the parental care of a child, rights and responsibilities, and filiation from the biological parents. The Department of Social Welfare and Development sets some requirements, and assists the families who would like to be a foster family or those who would like to adopt a child. The would-be foster family should be licensed as required by the law.

Some married woman who are unfortunate to have their own children because of certain circumstances resort to foster parenting and adoption to fulfill the need of giving a motherly love to a child, to nurture him, care for him, and call him their own. There are a lot of children especially toddlers and infants, who were abandoned by their families in shelters, churches, and some were left to die out in the cold weather, in dirty and filthy garbage bags. These children were not only deprived of love from the parents but were also deprived of the right to live happily and become a part of the society.

Fortunately, there are families who are willing to give love to these less fortunate children, treat the children as their own and give these kids the feeling of having a caring and loving family permanently, or until the time when the children will be moved to their adoptive parents. Here is a list of child care institutions that accepts volunteers and foster parents, should you feel that you have the "calling" and compassion to the orphaned children, or if you would like to donate and give help in keeping these children in proper care.

Every one of us, especially women, married or not, have a "Child care experience" or none, could be a mother to a child. It is true that the children are the hope of the future but it's in our hands, to shape the children's character and how will he become the hope of the future. Our guidance, love, affection, and nourishment will be the most important tools in rearing our children to become a good citizen of the country, to become moral and compassionate individuals, and to become the best parents for their own children. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL!

x

credits: http://www.qsl.net, http://www.homeforgood.org.ph, http://www.dswd.gov.ph, http://mygirlmylife.wordpress.com, http://kikicreates.blogspot.com (image)

PARENTING 101: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in Children

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a set of characteristic symptoms that develops after being directly or indirectly exposed to a traumatic or terrifying event where a physical harm was threatened, witnessed, or actually experienced. It can also occur after an unexpected or violent death of a family member or a close friend, or after a serious harm or threat of death or injury to a loved one. the people with PTSD often avoid any situations that will remind them of the trauma, but often re-experience the affliction through flashbacks, memories, nightmares, or frightening thoughts especially when they are re-exposed to events or objects that remind them of the trauma. They also feel the Survivor's guilt, the feelings of guilt of having survived the event in which friends or family died.

Causes:

• Assaults such as Rape
• Fire
• Physical or Sexual abuse
• Senseless acts of violence (school and neighborhood shootings)
• Natural disasters (flood, earthquake, volcanic eruption)
• Car accidents
• Military combat (often called "shell shock")
• Witnessing another person experiencing these kinds of traumatic events
• Diagnoses of life-threatening medical illness
• Psychological/mental abuse
• Negligence
• Friend's or family member's suicide

Risk Factors:

• Severity of the trauma
• Social support
• Levels of cortisol, norepinephrine, and epinephrine - Important for the "Fight-or-flight" response of the body to stress
• The distance of the child to trauma
• The parent's reaction to trauma
• The number of traumas that the child experience

Signs and Symptoms:

Re-experiencing the event

• recurrent and intrusive (unwanted) memories of the event 
• distressing dreams or nightmares of the event 
• acting or feeling as though the event were happening again (flashbacks) 
• distress and fear when reminded of the event 
• physiological reactivity (feeling jumpy, startled, or anxious) when reminded of the event 

Persistent avoidance of any reminders of the event 

• avoiding thinking about or talking about the trauma 
• avoiding activities, places, or people that are reminders of the event 
• no memory of an important aspect of the event 
• lack of interest and participation in activities (due to wishing to avoid cues of the event) 
• feeling detached or estranged from others 
• limited range of emotions 
• sense that they will not live to graduate college, get married, have kids, etc. 

Persistent feelings of anxiety or physical reactivity

• difficulty falling or staying asleep 
• cranky, irritable, or angry 
• problems paying attention or concentrating 
• overly aware of noises or other cues that remind them of the event (smells, visual cues) 
• exaggerated startle response 

Treatment:

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
 CBT is the most effective approach for treating children. One type of CBT is called Trauma-Focused CBT (TF-CBT). In TF-CBT, the child may talk about his or her memory of the trauma. TF-CBT also includes techniques to help lower worry and stress. The child may learn how to assert him or herself. The therapy may involve learning to change thoughts or beliefs about the trauma that are not correct or true. For example, after a trauma, a child may start thinking, "the world is totally unsafe."
 Some may question whether children should be asked to think about and remember events that scared them. However, this type of treatment approach is useful when children are distressed by memories of the trauma. The child can be taught at his or her own pace to relax while they are thinking about the trauma. That way, they learn that they do not have to be afraid of their memories. Research shows that TF-CBT is safe and effective for children with PTSD.
 CBT often uses training for parents and caregivers as well. It is important for caregivers to understand the effects of PTSD. Parents need to learn coping skills that will help them help their children.
Psychological first aid/crisis management

Psychological First Aid (PFA)
 Used with school-aged children and teens that have been through violence where they live. PFA can be used in schools and traditional settings. It involves providing comfort and support, and letting children know their reactions are normal. PFA teaches calming and problem solving skills. PFA also helps caregivers deal with changes in the child's feelings and behavior. Children with more severe symptoms may be referred for added treatment.

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)
 EMDR combines cognitive therapy with directed eye movements. EMDR is effective in treating both children and adults with PTSD, yet studies indicate that the eye movements are not needed to make it work.


Play therapy
 Play therapy can be used to treat young children with PTSD who are not able to deal with the trauma more directly. The therapist uses games , drawings, and other methods to help children process their traumatic memories.

Other treatments
 Special treatments may be needed for children who show out-of-place sexual behaviors, extreme behavior problems, or problems with drugs or alcohol.

The Parent's Role

Most kids will need a period of adjustment following a stressful event, so during this time, it's especially important for parents to offer support and love, and to monitor their kids carefully.

• Let them talk about the traumatic event when and if they feel ready. It's important not to force the issue if kids don't feel like sharing their thoughts. Praise them for being strong when they do talk about it. Your child may prefer to draw or write about their experiences. Either way, encouragement and praise can help your child get their feelings out. 
• Reassure them that their feelings are normal and that they're not "going crazy." Support and understanding from parents can help kids process difficult feelings. 
• Some kids find it very helpful to get involved in a support group for trauma survivors. Check with your pediatrician, school, or local library to find groups nearby. 
• Get professional help immediately if there's any suspicion that a child has thoughts of self-harm. Thoughts of suicide are serious at any age and require prompt and effective intervention. 
• Help build self-confidence by encouraging kids to make everyday decisions whenever appropriate. PTSD can make a child feel powerless, so parents can help by showing their kids that they have control over certain aspects of their lives. Depending on their children's ages, parents might consider letting them decide things like what's for dinner, what to wear, or select a weekend activity. 
• Tell them that the traumatic event is not their fault. Encourage kids to talk about their feelings of guilt, but don't let them blame themselves for what happened. 
• Stay in touch with caregivers. It's important to talk to teachers, babysitters, and other people who care for kids with PTSD. 
• Do not criticize regressive behavior (returning to a previous level of development). If children want to sleep with the lights on or take a favorite stuffed animal to bed, it's perfectly normal and can help them feel better. 
• Also, take care of yourself. Helping your child cope with PTSD can be very challenging and may require a lot of patience and support. Time does heal, and getting good support for your family can help everyone get past difficult life events.

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Source: Kidshealth, ptsd.va.gov

Credit: PTSD in Children

PARENTING 101: Child Depression

Depression in Children often are not diagnosed because it is normal for children to be moody, feel sad and lonely especially in some situations where they feel disappointed, rejected, and unappreciated. The feeling of sadness often lessen and will be totally diminished with time, but when these bad moods interfere with the child's ability to function, lingers for weeks, months, or longer, or they always have angry behavior, that must be the time to seek professional help.

Symptoms:

• Having bad moods or irritability that persists for a long time
• The feeling of "being in the dumps"
• Low Self-esteem
• The Feeling of Hopelessness and Helplessness
• Social Withdrawal
• Changes in appetite
• Changes in sleep
• Lack of energy
• Inability to enjoy the things that use to bring pleasure
• Inability to concentrate
• Feelings of guilt or worthlessness
• Aches and Pain that don't respond to treatments
• FREQUENT THOUGHTS OF DEATH AND SUICIDE

Causes:            

• Lowered levels of neurotransmitters in the brain
• Genetics/Hereditary
• Death of a loved one
• Separation/Divorce of parents
• Breakup with girlfriend/boyfriend (teens)
• Stress (School, Home)
• Chronic Illness
• Bullying
• Disability

SUICIDAL WARNING SIGNS

• Many depressive symptoms
• Social Isolation
• Talks of suicide, hopelessness, helplessness
• Increased acting out behaviors (sexual, behavioral)
• Substance abuse
• Increased crying or reduced emotional expression
• Focus on morbid/negative themes
• Giving away possessions

Treatment:
   
     Consult a pediatrician first to rule out any physical illness. If depression is suspected, your pediatrician may refer you to a Psychiatrist, a medical doctor who can diagnose, perform treatment, and prescribe medicines;  or a Psychologist, A health personnel who can diagnose and treat depression but unable to give prescription. It is important to seek medical advice immediately because early detection and diagnosis is important in treating kids with depression. The psychiatrist or psychologist can perform a complete evaluation and start a treatment plan that may include counselling, medicine, or both. The counselor might prescribe some sort of group counselling where the family works with the child in therapy.

THE PARENT'S ROLE

    As a parent, it is our responsibility to ensure that our kids are always happy and comfortable with their lives, but there are things that are beyond our control. It often make us feel guilty and frustrated because our child's depression maybe caused by the things that we do or didn't do. These are the ways that we can help our children cope with depression.

• Make sure that the child adheres to the medicine and treatments
• Incorporate physical activity in the daily activities of living to alleviate the symptoms of depression
• Talk and listen to the child. Let him express what he feels and offer love and support
• Accept the situation and never tell the child to snap out of it
• Watch out for suicidal warning signs at all times

Discipline

• Don't shame or punish the child, it can make the child feel less confident
• Allow the child to make mistakes. Overprotection can be perceived as lack of faith in the child's abilities
• Don't expect the child to do exactly as you say all the time
• Don't force your child down the path you wanted to follow. Avoid trying to relive your youth through your child's activities and experiences.

      My heart goes out to all the kids who suffer depression because of the situations that they shouldn't have experienced at this very young age. Enough of the embarrassing, enough of the bullying, enough of the rejection, these kids deserve to be loved, deserve to be accepted, and deserve to be happy.

x

NOTE: The owner of the image here is a kid who suffered from depression because of her disability (she has a clubbed foot). As of now, she's recovering from her depression, she's into continued counselling which helped her a lot, and thanks to her mom, she seek for professional help when she have noticed that her child was feeling depressed. You can check out her blog Unbroken Skyscraper. 

Credits: Medicinenet, Kidshealth, The Depressed Child, Unbroken Skyscraper                                                     

Tips For Good Study Habits For Our Kids

Giving our child a full and good quality education is one of the crucial aspects in rearing a healthy and successful individual. It is important that we develop effective study habits for our child and assist him in his studies to improve his academic performance and enhance his learning abilities. We should check our child's work and study with him so we can monitor the things that he learn and provide him with necessary information if he have some questions that are not tackled in school. Studying with our kids also creates a bonding moment with our kids which helps in their school performance. Here are some tips in creating a good study habits for our kids.

1. Standard Study Time. Set up a regular time for studies and consistently, strictly implement it. This will establish our child's studying routine and homework habits. We can use an alarm clock or a bulletin board indicating a reminder of the study time.
2. Standard Study Place. Choose the study spot that is away from distractions like noise and television. We should also keep away things that could distract our child like some handheld gaming devices (psp, nintendo DS, etc.) and toys. Dont use the bed as the study spot because it may interrupt the child's sleeping habit since the bed is used for sleeping.
3. Standard Procedures. Help our child to plan the things that he needs to accomplish. Write down the things that should be done (homework, essays, research, reviews) so he can track the things that he needs to do and the things that he have accomplished.
4. Do the Homework. Some parents have the urge to just do the homework for their kids to get it done correctly without explaining to the child the procedures and the answers to the homework. We should guide the children in doing the homework so they would learn the answers and they'll have the idea what the homework is all about. We should teach the children some strategies in solving the problem and guide them to the answers.
5. Have a Break. Allow breaks between the study hours so the child could refresh his memory and will not lose focus. Long hours of study could be so boring and blocks concentration, and sometimes, it makes the child feel sleepy. Give at least 5-10 minutes break then resume after.
6. Be Organized. Teach the child to be organized and clean with the study table so his school stuffs will be accessible to him whenever he needs it.
7. Instill the importance of education. Talk to the child about the possibilities and opportunities when he did well in school. If his dream is becoming a doctor, tell him that he can make this dream come true if he will study hard.
8. Make learning fun. We can play word games and puzzles with our child after he have finished everything that should be done. This will make the child more enthusiastic with studying and it also help in the child's learning ability.
9. Standard Sleep. The child should have enough sleep because it is important for effective studying and memory. A child with lack of sleep will have poor school performance and dull memory.
10. Acknowledge. Acknowledge the child's effort after he finished everything that should be done. This will give the child a positive point of view about studying and will make him more interested. This will also boost his self-confidence. Proof read everything and help the child correct the mistakes if there's any.

Carl's Summer Class

I've enrolled Carl last month in Special Education Institution in Pasig City, a school run by the government for special children who can't afford to go to a private special school. I'ts great that there's a school like this  for poor Filipino special children so they will have access to the kind of education that they need. The tuition fee for a year is only 300 pesos. The shoes, notebooks, books, and PE uniform are all provided by the government. The school accepts Hearing impaired children (just like my Carl), Autistic children, children with down syndrome, and children with learning disabilities (dyslexia, to name one). The teachers are graduates of  BS education with special education major, and are all friendly and approachable. The school has a security guard and never let the children go out of the school premises if not picked up by the guardian. This Summer, the kids are taught how to write, to perform activities of daily living, to do some house chores (within the scope of the child's capacity), and to socialize with other children and the society. I'm planning to transfer Carl in a private school if our budget permits but as of now, I'll just let my son enjoy this school and the privilege of studying for a very affordable price. I'm so thankful that there are teachers that are willing to give education to these children in exchange for a modest salary. You are like an angel to parents who have a special children because without you, who will impart knowledge to the child aside from us parents? KUDOS TO ALL SPECIAL EDUCATION TEACHERS!! 

The Modern Day Sisa

Sisa is the fictional character from Dr. Jose Rizal's Noli me Tangere (Touch me not) written way back in the 1800's. The book was written as a way of protest against the spanish friars in our country. Sisa, one of the popular characters in the book, is a mother of two boys, Basilio and Crispin, and the wife of the abusive gambler Pedro. Sisa is described as a mother who considers her sons her only treasure. She would often anticipate when they return home as she would prepare their favorite dishes. She remembers each son's features and when alone, remember moments when her sons were with her. The children were working as sacristan in the church when apparently, they were accused as thieves and later, they were nowhere to be found. Sisa then succumb to insanity. She roamed about and was recognized by the limping Basilio. As she has not recognized her son, a chase ensued and ended when Basilio fell off the tree to catch his mother. When she finally recognizes her son, Basilio had fainted. When Basilio woke up, Sisa had died.

Today, a lot of mothers are agonizing, crying in pain as they lost their children due to kidnapping. There are news that there are people lurking around searching for women who have newborn babies. They would offer the woman some cash and groceries, and "help" the woman in carrying the child. When the woman is unaware, that's the time the suspect would runaway with the child, leaving the helpless mother alone. Another story also states that there are men in a van who are looking for children playing on the streets. When the children's parents are unaware, they will get the child, ride in the vehicle, and drive away. Based on the police investigation, the kidnapped babies were possibly being sold to couples who have no children. Other children possibly were kidnapped by the syndicates to be made as beggars on the streets.
No one could possibly explain the pain of losing a child except the mother for she carried her child for nine months, showered the child with love and affection, cared for the child, built dreams and aspirations for the child, and of course, because that is her child. A mother, without all the riches in the world will still be rich because of her children's love. She considers them as her treasure, her valuable possession, just like Sisa who've gone insane because her children were taken away.


Credits: wikipilipinas

And We Tied the Knot.

Yesterday was one of the greatest moment in my life. After eight Long years of being together, We Finally tied the knot in a simple Civil wedding. But before that, there were a lot of things that we've prepared to finally get the schedule of our wedding. First, the marriage licence . It is obtained at the local registry office (that's inside the municipal hall) by giving the Birth certificate, and attending to a series of seminars, but since we're living together for five years and we already have children, we directly went to the hall of justice, gave out our birth certificate, cenomar or certificate of no marriage, an affidavit of parent consent (for me since i am only 24 years old) and an affidavit stating that we are living together for five years. Included also were the birth certificates of our three children. After checking our requirements, we were given the schedule of our civil wedding. For our reception, we went to a local restaurant, The Seafood Island which is located in Market! Market! Taguig and reserved a total of 40 seats for our guests. And everything was all set! The wedding day came, and it all went well as we planned. We are planning also to have a church wedding, if the time and budget permit but for now, we will cherish this moment and treasure it every waking hour of our lives.

Roughhousing with the kids!

Being a mom of three boys requires A LOT of energy because male children are more energetic than female children. The girls just play house and barbie quietly with their girl friends while boys run around, play wrestling or other kinds of boys' play. As a mom, i also play with them through roughhousing, though its more appropriate for a dad to roughhouse with the kids well in my case, i'm the one obliged to play horse or wrestle with them as their dad is working abroad. I enjoy it though especially when i hear the kids' laughter, it really relieves stress.

THE BENEFITS OF ROUGHHOUSING


Roughhousing Boosts Your Kid’s Resilience. Helping your child develop a resilient spirit is one of the best things you can do as a parent. The ability to bounce back from failures and adapt to unpredictable situations will help your kids reach their full potential and live happier lives as adults. And an easy way to help boost your kids’ resilience is to put them in a gentle headlock and give them a noogie.  Additionally, roughhousing helps develop your children’s grit and stick-to-itiveness. You shouldn’t just let your kids “win” every time when you roughhouse with them. Whether they’re trying to escape from your hold or run past you in the hallway, make them work for it. Playtime is a fun and safe place to teach your kids that failure is often just a temporary state and that victory goes to the person who keeps at it and learns from his mistakes.

Roughhousing Makes Your Kid Smarter.  Psychologist Anthony Pellegrini has found that the amount of roughhousing children engage in predicts their achievement in first grade better than their kindergarten test scores do. Roughhousing actually rewires the brain for learning. Neuroscientists studying animal and human brains have found that bouts of rough-and-tumble play increase the brain’s level of a chemical called brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF). BDNF helps increase neuron growth in the parts of the brain responsible for memory, logic, and higher learning–skills necessary for academic success.

Roughhousing Builds Social Intelligence. Roughhousing builds social intelligence in several ways. First, when kids roughhouse they learn to tell the difference between play and actual aggression. Dr. Pellegrini found in a survey among school-aged children that the ones who could tell the difference between play and real aggression were more well-liked compared to kids who had a hard time separating the two. The kids who mistook play for aggression often ended up returning their classmates good-natured overtures with a real punch in the kisser. The ability to differentiate between play and aggression translates into other social skills that require people to read and interpret social cues. Roughhousing also teaches children about taking turns and cooperation. You might not recognize it, but when you horse around with your kids, you’re often taking part in a give-and-take negotiation where the goal is to make sure everyone has fun. Sometimes you’re the chaser and sometimes you’re the chasee; sometimes you’re pinning down your kids and other times they’re pinning you down. Your kids wouldn’t want to keep playing if they were constantly on the losing side. Everyone has to take turns in order for the fun to continue.

Roughhousing Teaches Your Kid Morality. When we roughhouse with our sons and daughters, they learn boundaries and the difference between right and wrong. If they start hitting hard, aiming below the belt, or becoming malicious, you can reprimand them and then show by example what’s appropriate roughhousing behavior. Also, roughhousing teaches our children about the appropriate use of strength and power. As I mentioned earlier, when we roughhouse with our kids, we often take turns with the dominant role. Because we’re so much bigger and stronger, we have to handicap ourselves. The implicit message to your child when you hold back is: “Winning isn’t everything. You don’t need to dominate all the time. There’s strength in showing compassion on those weaker than you.”

Roughhousing Gets Your Kid Physically Active.  What better way to teach your kids to live an active lifestyle than by getting down on the carpet with them for some vigorous roughhousing instead of everyone vegging out in front of the TV? All that running, tumbling, and tackling helps develop strength, flexibility, and coordination in your child.

CREDITS: Art of Manliness

How to Handle Temper Tantrums

One of the problems we, moms face is our kids' Temper Tantrums. Its kinda unpredictable especially when we were out, We thought that it was a very fine and peaceful day until our kid began crying, kicking, and screaming, throwing every stuff which comes his way, at times, lying down the to the ground. Tantrums can be very frustrating but we can treat tantrums as opportunities for education. 

Causes of Tantrums
There are several causes of tantrums which are very familiar to parents: The child is hungry, tired, or uncomfortable. Tantrums are often the result if the child can't get what he wants or if he can't get the things or the parents do what he wants. It also happen because toddlers have the sense of autonomy and want things his way.

Here are strategies for handling Temper Tantrums as written by Dr. Robert G. Harrington, PhD of University of Kansas.

Prevention for Parents and Teachers
It is much easier to prevent temper tantrums than it is to manage them once they have erupted. Here are some tips for preventing temper tantrums and some things you can say:

• Reward children for positive attention rather than negative attention. During situations when they are prone to temper tantrums, catch them when they are being good and say such things as, “Nice job sharing with your friend.”
• Do not ask children to do something when they must do what you ask. Do not ask, “Would you like to eat now?” Say, “It’s suppertime now.”
• Give children control over little things whenever possible by giving choices. A little bit of power given to the child can stave off the big power struggles later. “Which do you want to do first, brush your teeth or put on your pajamas?”
• Keep off-limit objects out of sight and therefore out of mind. In an art activity keep the scissors out of reach if children are not ready to use them safely.
• Distract children by redirection to another activity when they tantrum over something they should not do or cannot have. Say, “Let’s read a book together.”
• Change environments, thus removing the child from the source of the temper tantrum. Say, “Let’s go for a walk.”
• Choose your battles. Teach children how to make a request without a temper tantrum and then honor the request. Say, “Try asking for that toy nicely and I’ll get it for you.”
• Make sure that children are well rested and fed in situations in which a temper tantrum is a likely possibility. Say, “Supper is almost ready, here’s a cracker for now.”
• Avoid boredom. Say, “You have been working for a long time. Let’s take a break and do something fun.”
• Create a safe environment that children can explore without getting into trouble. Childproof your home or classroom so children can explore safely.
• Increase your tolerance level. Are you available to meet the child’s reasonable needs? Evaluate how many times you say, “No.” Avoid fighting over minor things.
• Establish routines and traditions that add structure. For teachers, start class with a sharing time and opportunity for interaction.
• Signal children before you reach the end of an activity so that they can get prepared for the transition. Say, “When the timer goes off 5 minutes from now it will be time to turn off the TV and go to bed.”
• When visiting new places or unfamiliar people explain to the child beforehand what to expect. Say, “Stay with your assigned buddy in the museum.”
• Provide pre-academic, behavioral, and social challenges that are at the child’s developmental level so that the child does not become frustrated.
• Keep a sense of humor to divert the child’s attention and surprise the child out of the tantrum.

Intervention for Parents and Teachers

There are a number of ways to handle a temper tantrum. Strategies include the following:

• Remain calm and do not argue with the child. Before you manage the child, you must manage your own behavior. Spanking or yelling at the child will make the tantrum worse.
• Think before you act. Count to 10 and then think about the source of the child’s frustration, this child’s characteristic temperamental response to stress (hyperactivity, distractibility, moodiness), and the predictable steps in the escalation of the temper tantrum.
• Try to intervene before the child is out of control. Get down at the child’s eye level and say, “You are starting to get revved up, slow down.” Now you have several choices of intervention.
• You can positively distract the child by getting the child focused on something else that is an acceptable activity. For example, you might remove the unsafe item and replace with an age-appropriate toy.
• You can place the child in time away. Time away is a quiet place where the child goes to calm down, think about what he or she needs to do, and, with your help, make a plan to change the behavior.
• You can ignore the tantrum if it is being thrown to get your attention. Once the child calms down, give the attention that is desired.
• Hold the child who is out of control and is going to hurt himself or herself or someone else. Let the child know that you will let him or her go as soon as he or she calms down. Reassure the child that everything will be all right, and help the child calm down. Parents may need to hug their child who is crying, and say they will always love him or her no matter what, but that the behavior has to change. This reassurance can be comforting for a child who may be afraid because he or she lost control.
• If the child has escalated the tantrum to the point where you are not able to intervene in the ways described above, then you may need to direct the child to time-out (see “Resources”). If you are in a public place, carry your child outside or to the car. Tell the child that you will go home unless he or she calms down. In school warn the child up to three times that it is necessary to calm down and give a reminder of the rule. If the child refuses to comply, then place him or her in time-out for no more than 1 minute for each year of age.
• Talk with the child after the child has calmed down. When the child stops crying, talk about the frustration the child has experienced. Try to help solve the problem if possible. For the future, teach the child new skills to help avoid temper tantrums such as how to ask appropriately for help and how to signal a parent or teacher that the he or she knows they need to go to “time away” to “stop, think, and make a plan.” Teach the child how to try a more successful way of interacting with a peer or sibling, how to express his or her feelings with words and recognize the feelings of others without hitting and screaming.

Post-Tantrum Management

• Never, under any circumstances, give in to a tantrum. That response will only increase the number and frequency of the tantrums.
• Explain to the child that there are better ways to get what he or she wants.
• Do not reward the child after a tantrum for calming down. Some children will learn that a temper tantrum is a good way to get a treat later.
• Never let the temper tantrum interfere with your otherwise positive relationship with the child.
• Teach the child that anger is a feeling that we all have and then teach her ways to express anger constructively.

When to Get Help

For parents. If, despite the use of these interventions, the tantrums are increasing in frequency, intensity, or duration, consult your child’s doctor. You should also consult your child’s doctor if the child is self-injurious, hurtful to others, depressed, showing signs of low self-esteem, or is overly dependent on a parent or teacher for support. Your pediatrician or family physician can check for hearing or vision problems, chronic illness, or conditions such as Asperger’s syndrome, language delays, or a learning disability, which may be contributing to your child’s increasing temper tantrums. Your physician can also direct you to a mental health professional who can provide assistance for you and your child.

CREDITS: kidshealth, nasponline

Snoring in Children

I only had snoring problems with my husband until i had my youngest child. When he was a baby, i never heard him snore but when he turned 18 months old, that's when his snoring started. It was never a big deal for me before until the snoring became persistent. I was kinda alarmed and researched for this condition and so i learned that snoring in kids is not really cute and is NOT NORMAL.

Snoring happens when the air that enters the nose was blocked by several structures in the throat. The sound is the result of the rubbing structures in the mouth and throat as the air passes. There are some causes of snoring like colds, allergies, obesity and obstructive sleep apnea.

Obstructive Sleep Apnea is the leading cause of snoring in children. It is due to the enlarged tonsils and adenoids which blocks the passage of the air and cause the snoring sound. The child with OSA have disruptions of sleep with pauses which lasts for 10 or more seconds and happens several times in their sleep. The child usually wakes up feeling grumpy, irritated, and tired. The child may also have growth and behavioral problems, and may have poor performance in school. Some children with OSA may be misdiagnosed with ADHD because of hyperactivity and restlessness as a result of disrupted sleep.

How to manage snoring?


Proper sleep position. Proper placement of the child's head may lessen the snoring. Elevating the child's head while sleeping could help clearing air passages.

Alleviate the Allergy. If allergy is the problem then remove all the things which trigger the child's allergy (cats, dogs, stuffed toys, flowers, dust). Also, a PRESCRIBED medication for allergy from the pediatrician may control the allergy.

Lose Weight. An obese child should start to lose weight slowly by having a proper diet and exercise.

Treatment for OSA. If the problem is an enlarged tonsils and adenoids, you should start discussing with your doctor for the best treatment for OSA. The usual treatment for OSA is Tonsillectomy and Adenoidectomy (surgical removal of tonsils and adenoids)

One of these days, We will visit my children's pediatrician to have him examined for the cause of his snoring and seek treatment before the condition becomes worse and may affect his growth and development.

CREDITS: about, Babyzone, Whattoexpect

German Measles

During the first trimester of my pregnancy, i contracted the Rubella Disease or commonly known as German measles. As someone with a background in medical studies, i knew the possible effects of this disease to an unborn child, which my 4 year old Carl have today. But what really is Rubella? what is its causes and effects? what are the methods to prevent the disease?

Rubella is a common communicable disease in children and young adults caused by the rubella virus. Its name was derived from latin meaning "little red". It is called German measles because it was first discovered by German physicians in the eighteenth century. The incubation period is from 14 - 21 days. It is acquired/transmitted through the respiratory route (can be passed along by the breath of a person sick from rubella).

Signs and Symptoms 

• Enlarged Cervical and postauricular lymph nodes (lymph nodes behind the ears)
• Low grade fever
• headache
• runny nose 
• sore throat
• cough
• joint pains
• Faint pink to red rashes which develop on the face that spread down to the trunk and extremities 1-4 days after the onset of the first symptoms.

 Prevention for the Rubella Virus is usually given as part of the MMR (Measles, Mumps, Rubella) Vaccine. The first dose of the vaccine should be given to children at least 12-18 months of age and the second dose at 36 months of age as recommended by The World Health Organization. It is also recommended that adolescent girls should be given another shot of the vaccine so that they wont contract the disease when they got pregnant. There is no specific treatment to rubella because this disease is self-limiting however, management of the symptoms are done to minimize discomfort. Isolation of affected person is usually done to avoid transmission of the disease.

Congenital Defects caused by Rubella

• Congenital heart defects (Patent Ductus Arteriosus is the most common)
• Severe to Profound bilateral hearing loss
• Unilateral or bilateral congenital cataract
• blindness

The rashes from Rubella are usually faint pink to red in color which spreads from the face down to the trunk and extremities.

Credits: wikipedia, Understanding Pathophysiology, 3rd edition

Things I remember my mom told me.

Being a mom is indeed a very rewarding job. It pays nothing but hugs, kisses, and love from our kids. I remember the things that my mom told me/want me to do when i was a kid that are exactly what i'm telling my kids today.

My Beautiful Mom and My adorable kids.

1. Don't Go Far! My mom always held on me when we were out in the mall. I wonder why she wont let me go and roam around, look at the things around. Now i know why. She's just afraid to lose me as I am very scared of losing sight of my kids when we go out.

2. Taking a nap in the afternoon. My mom told me that if i sleep in the afternoon, i will grow tall. Well, i did that but i never grew tall. Now I know the reason behind the "nap in the afternoon". Well perhaps for me, I send the kids off to sleep in the afternoon because toddlers need 10-13 hours of sleep at night and 1-3 hours nap time at day time to add up for their growth, physical, and mental development. Complete hours of sleep in children also lessens their mood swings and irritability. And it also gives the parents time to do the house chores or have sometime for relaxation.

3. Eating Vegetables. Getting Children to eat vegetables could be a very tiring battle between Parents and kids. That was also one of my mom's problems when i was a kid, and also my problem now that i have kids. But we should get our kids to eat vegetables because vegetables are great source of vitamins and minerals that are needed for growth and development. We Should introduce vegetables to our kids as early as 6 months by incorporating it to baby cereals, or other baby foods that they eat. We should also show them that we are eating vegetables as a way of convincing them because what we eat will also influence the kids' food preferences.

4. Don't talk when your mouth is full. My mom told me I should never talk when eating or with my mouth full because it may choke me to death. SERIOUSLY. Choking is when something, a liquid or a foreign body entered our air pipe where the air passes to our lungs, and blocks this air way. If this foreign body is not removed within seconds, it could result to death. Another case is when a foreign body entered our air pipe down to our lungs which could result to Aspiration Pneumonia.

5. I Love You! Of course our parents love us much more than we love them, and they want us to know how much they love us not only by saying these words but also by showing us through simple but thoughtful ways. Now that i already have my kids, i will never get tired of telling them and showing them how much i love just like my mom never got tired of showing me how much she loves me up until now.

Do you also remember things that your parents once told you which are exactly the things you're telling your kids now?

Grandparents

Yesterday, my Parents-in-law came to visit the kids. They brought food and snacks for the kids and they just want to bond with them. Grand Parents are God's way of telling us that we, parents, have someone to turn to if we are not sure of some things about parenting. That Grand parents are the people whom we can entrust our children with when we are out at work. And that Grand parents are the ones who will love us, the parents, and of course our children unconditionally. The only problem is the kids become spoiled. :)

Penguins!

Last November 30, I took the kids to Manila Ocean Park as a treat for my son Daniel's 3rd birthday. This time, we chose the Trails to Antartica exhibit. This was the first time the kids would see a live penguin. They were so happy because  they had the chance to see what penguins really looked like aside from what they have watched on happy feet movie and penguins of madagascar TV show in nickelodeon. The attraction is so cold that we have to wear 2 jackets. We've experienced winter for the first time! 

Fun at Manila Ocean Park

Last October 24,  I took the kids to Manila Ocean Park together with my mom and my in-laws for a post celebration of Carl's 4th birthday. I planned the visit a month before his birthday and have chosen the oceanarium attraction so the kids will see live sea animals. On our way to the place, we have driven to a fast food chain so we can order meals we would eat at the parking area. When we were there at the attraction, the kids were so happy to see live fishes swimming in the aquarium. The first we saw was a giant arwana about 10 feet long and 5 feet wide. The kids were ecstatic! then we went to another set of aquariums filled with different kinds of fishes like angel fish, milk fish, sea horses, sharks and many more. They were so happy and mesmerized by the beauty and wonder of the sea creatures. It is important that we take our kids to educational places like this so they will have a knowledge what are the other sea creatures look like aside from what they usually see on TV. They should know that the sea is a home to millions of sea creatures like corals, planktons, sea urchins, jelly fishes, and other species of fishes and that they could help in taking care of the sea by not throwing garbage to the sea. Also, it is also important that we educate them about the possible effects of water pollution to sea creatures.

My Carl waving to a diver. :)

My Daniel and Stephen awed by the wonders of sea creatures.

A view of Manila Bay 

Signs that your child loves you

Being a mom is a very rewarding job. It may be difficult but it’s worth the hardship especially when your child gives back the love that you’re always showing him. In my four years of being a mom I can say that I’ve already experienced being loved by my kids. Here are the signs.

Your infant stares at your face

Your baby loves to stare in your face memorizing each and every detail. He’s beginning to realize that you’re important and special though he doesn’t actually understand everything around him.

He misses you when you’re away

Your baby looks around to find you. He cries when you leave and smiles when you return.

Your baby smiles, hugs, and kisses you unexpectedly

Especially when he sees that you’re sad and lonely, your child will come to you and try to brighten your day when you feel so low. It’s his way of consoling you and telling you that he’s there to help-even by just being there.

He runs to you when he’s hurt

You will be the source of his comfort and his strength when he’s down. Just give him some encouragement, hug him, and console him. Tell him that it’s ok to fail and try again.

Your toddler wants to make you happy

 He’ll do everything just to see you smile and happy. He’ll try to help you with the house chores, give you a portion of the cookie he’s eating (which my kids actually do) or dance and sing you a song (which my kids also do).

He enjoys playing with you

Though he has developed friendships among his peers, still the single most important person he enjoys playing with is you. You can see this if he never gets tired playing with you and becomes upset when you’ve decided to end the game. Playing with your kid also develops a strong bond and a lasting friendship.

You become his confidante

He shares you his secrets, his ideas, and his embarrassing experiences, or he just want to talk to you about everything around him.

He gives you a gift

A drawing of the family, a star grade from school, a flower, a shell, or anything that he sees beautiful will be his way of showing you that you’re appreciated, special, and loved.

Bedtime Routines for Kids

Once, I had a hard time putting my boys to sleep. Though they had a very long and tiring day, still they were full of energy, very hyper, and wide awake. They were fighting off sleep and refuse to go to sleep.  At times, they only fall asleep when I’m around checking on them and staying there until they were finally asleep after two hours. And that’s the time I can do the house chores and everything I needed to do. I’ve been searching for a lot of ways to put my kids to sleep without sacrificing a lot of time and setting aside the things that I needed to do until I've read this list from babycenter.ph. Some list here is really proven based on my experience.

The bedtime ritual

It is best to put up a routine or ritual for your child before going to sleep.  If your child learns to follow a certain routine before going to sleep, it will not be hard for him to go to sleep because he is relaxed and comfy, and he will know that its time to sleep once the ritual have started. You must stick to the routine so that if you’re in unfamiliar places, it will be easy for him to go to sleep.

You can decide which kind of ritual that you want to follow every night.  You can include a warm bath, reading a bedtime story, giving a glass of milk, or a little cuddle, whichever will be fine just as long as the activity will calm him and not get him up.

If you start the ritual in the bathroom or in the living room,  It should end in your child’s room or in your room if your child sleeps there.  Its essential to train your child to sleep in the room and assure him that you’ll be back later to check on him so he may not feel afraid or upset.

Release some energy

A play can help release some built-up energy in your child’s body before going down to bed. Every night, my sons and I use to play “the chase play” or “habulan” in filipino for 30 minutes and I can say that this really make them tired and happy, and then I give soak them to warm bath after. A bath or anything that calms the child should follow the raucous play in order to prepare him to bed.

Immerse him to warm bath

This will give your child a clean and comfy feeling before going to bed. Sure he’ll have a good night’s sleep feeling dry, clean and cool especially during the summer, where the weather will give us a hot and sticky feeling.

Read a bedtime story

Your child can benefit from reading or hearing a bedtime story because it will not only increase your child’s vocabulary and improve language skills, it can also build a lasting bond between you and your child. You can let him choose what story you can read for him to manage the bedtime routine.  For my hearing impaired child’s case, I let him look at the pictures on the book and sign to him the story, and then after a while, he’s fast asleep.

Sing a lullabye

This one is performed by my husband for I am no expert in singing. (or its just that he’s got the gut to sing ^^). For years, this routine is tried and tested and I could say that my kids really love their dad to sing a lullabye. It makes them feel comfortable and calm them totally. Before I know it, they are already asleep.

Play soothing music

I’ve tried this once and it really helped put my kids to sleep. Soft music could help soothe them and it will be easy for them to shift from wakefulness to sleep. some of the music that helped me put my kids to sleep is a classic guitar instrumental, classic piano instrumental, and my favorite-the rockabye baby! Renditions of rock artists.

Leave a light on

My kids really hate sleeping when the lights are off. Their imagination are so strong that they could create some creatures and afraid that it may come and get them. A nightlight could help them feel calm and secured, and help them fall asleep.

the first teacher

i want to learn a lot of things. i've researched and practiced on the things that interests me. when i was in grade school, i've learned how to play a guitar on my own. i used to borrow my cousin's guitar every weekend and spent the whole saturdays and sundays practicing. i've also learned how to draw. i used to have a sketchpad and drew the things that fascinates me, especially some anime characters. i love to read books and im proud to say that i've read a lot of novels and textbooks. when i was in highschool, i've learned how to dance and was a part of a cheering team. i've also learned the taekwondo and went to some interschool competition but i've retired early though. when i was in college, i've learned how to write an essay with minimal errors. i've learned a lot of things. now that i am a mom, i have learned that learning doesnt have to be only from school. we can learn about life through our experiences. i've learned that a mom should be the one to protect her child at any cost. she should be the one to fight for her children's rights. she should be the one to cultivate and develop her children's talents. she should be her children's first teacher. i am so glad that i have never let any barriers stop me from learning. i'm happy that i've learned so many things and continue to learn things that i have no knowledge of. and now, im imparting that knowledge to my children. im teaching them how to play the guitar. im teaching them to draw. im teaching them to love one another for they are brothers, and they can only count on each other when problems arise. im teaching them some things a normal kid should learn. im not a perfect mom and may not be the best mom in the world but im trying to teach them what they should learn and give them the very best love that i could give. the joy of being a mother is being able to see the good things that your child has learned from you. being able to see that your children have grown to be a better person and use the things that you have taught them. for the mother is the only person that can guide a child to be the person that they can be in the future.

My Two Moms

i couldnt help but cry everytime i hear news of abortions, fetus being dumped in trash cans, babies left by their mothers in an orphanage or worse, in an airplane's comfort room. how can these women throw away such a wonderful gift from god? 

i cant help but think about my own life. yes. i am one of those babies. im just so lucky that before i was born, there is already someone who's willing to give a mom's love to me though im really not her own. and she's my "kinagisnang ina".

when i found out about the truth, that was sometime in 2007 when i already have my first son, i was really devastated. 

all i felt was that i am cheated. i was so empty. i was very helpless. and i began to hate everything. i asked god why did my mom threw me away? doesnt she loved me? why did she have to do that?  up to this moment, i never knew why.

when i sometimes ponder on things, i couldnt help but think if she felt what i felt when i found out that im pregnant. was she happy? or sad? does she talk to me when i was in her tummy? does she smile when she felt me kick inside her? did she somehow loved me? still i dont know. for years, i was filled with love by my foster mom. i never felt that i am adopted. she treated me like her own. she gave me everything. she made sure that i get all what i need. 

i sometimes wonder if my real mom thinks of me. if she wanted to hug me, kiss me, say things a mom should tell her child. but still i dont know. after all, she already threw me before i was born. i have a lot of things to ask her. i have alot of things to tell her. but i know still wont find out how. 

i've realized that to be called a mother, its not important if a child comes from a woman's womb. what's important is that a woman is willing to love and cherish a child though that child didnt came from her. that she's willing to call a child her own and give that child the right to a mother's love. i adore my mom so much because she loved me like no other. she made me feel that i belong to her. she made me feel that im not different. she treated me as her own.

to all moms, grand moms, moms-to-be, moms like my mom, frustrated mom, all kinds of moms, and to your moms, Happy mother's day to all of us. :)

Actions Speak Louder Than words.

When i found out that my eldest son, carl is congenitally hearing impaired, i was devastated. i felt like i was betrayed. i felt like i was being abandoned. i felt empty. lost. robbed. grief.

it was all beyond my expectations. i wanted to break things. i wanted to scream. i wanted to shout. but all i could do was cry. My son was born a healthy baby. i remember when i was in the delivery room, i was sedated then because i delivered him through ceasarian section, i was awakened by his boisterous cry. when i opened my eyes and got a sight of him, i saw him crying vigorously, a sign of a strong and healthy baby. his skin color was pinkish and soft. his apgar score is 9 out of 10, also a sign of health. months later, I didn't notice some abnormalities. he laughs, he cries, he sleep soundly, and of course, he plays with everyone in front of him. until his 6th month, where he was supposed to know his name and responded whenever someone calls his name. he never looked around or even get startled when there is a loud noise. i began to suspect that he was hearing impaired. i remembered then that i acquired german measles or also known as rubella a month before i found out that i was pregnant. being a nursing student, i was aware of the possible effects of the rubella virus to the unborn baby. on his first birthday, he learned how to walk alone. actually, he have all the developmental milestones on the right age but still he does not learn to speak or utter the word "mama" or "mommy", the usual first words of babies. i began to worry so i have him checked by an ENT specialist which referred us to an ABR test. there we found out that carl is bilaterally profound hearing impaired. i began to cry. i cried because that's not what i expected. i cried because all my dreams for him was all shattered. i didnt know how to guide him, or to teach him things which a normal kid should learn. i cried because i pitied him. how can he survive to this cruel and mean society? where people ridicule each disabled person? im hurt thinking that people might laugh at him or make fun of him or which any way that will hurt him. as years pass by, i developed the mother's instinct. seriously, i would kill anyone who will hurt my son in any way. my son grew up a very energetic, happy, strong, and intelligent kid. now, he's turning 4 years old this october and i am proud to say that i am very happy with his developments. he learned how to play and interact with normal kids his age. he learned to potty train. he learned to eat all by him self. he learned to change clothes, actually he learned how to choose what color and style of clothes he would want to wear. most especially, he learned how to show love to the people around him. to his brothers, to his dad, to me his mom, to his nanay and tatay and mommy lola and daddy lolo, and to everyone. he never failed to wave hello and smile though he could only gave gestures not words. but as the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. maybe i under estimated my son in some way but of course, i just want to protect him. i would give everything just to make sure he's safe and healthy. now, we are getting ready for his big leap from toddler-hood. he's goin to school!!! yey!! i am very much excited as i am very much nervous. but i know he can make it. he can now distinguish colors and shapes so i know he'll gonna make it. i am looking forward to further our communication with him through ASL or american sign language which is taught at the philippine school for the deaf. my son, though he cannot utter just a single word, with the help of the supportive people around him not just us his parents, and of course,with the help of our Loving God, could now survive and live normally and successfully in this cruel and mean world. I BELIEVE.

"In that day the deaf will hear the words of the scroll, and out of gloom and darkness the eyes of the blind will see." --isaiah 29:18